Parenting Children when dad is Deployed

I never considered the full effect of deployment on my children. When dad was home they were pretty good kids. They had their occasional fight and they weren't always neat and tidy and they didn't always listen to me. Sounds like any normal child. But since dad has left, I have had a child run away several times, granted not far because his little legs would not carry him far, but he doesn't understand the feelings he is going through and so he runs. I have had non-stop fighting from all my kids and emotional upheavals and messes every day. More than they get along. They do not listen to me unless I raise my voice to an irritating level and I hate screaming. I run out of things to say and walk away when I would venture to say things that are not right. I am amazed at the depth of feelings they have and saddened at the lack of ability to express how they feel. I guess it goes back to something Chuck said the other day when he said it is easier to follow a path when you understand all the principles. Perhaps, its that the children do not understand all the principles that we are experiencing. I am honest to a fault about the war and am sure they have picked up on that to some degree but not in the way that I have. I can handle it. I have faith that things are going to be OK for Allen. But they do not have that knowledge of it, as I received it in a blessing. I also feel that they are not mature enough to understand and accept death on a scale that this war brings. I was not ready for that until it happened and have had to find the peace that comes through the Holy Ghost to get through the deaths of soldiers and friends.

As for my kids, I have had one that screams at the top of her lungs till people leave her alone about everything. I have one that said if I want him to stop fighting I have to get him a game boy so he won't be bored and won't cause problems. I hhave one that cries over the smallest indiscretion of others and one that wants to nurse non-stop, the one that runs away and one that thinks she has to have mommy whenever anyone else wants mommy so she is always climbing on my lap.

So what am I going to do? Well, I have to teach my children about feelings. FHE lesson 1 coming up. I have to teach my children joy. FHE lesson 2. I have to teach my children love....everyday lesson 1. I have to teach my children perseverance....life lesson 2. I have to teach myself to play. I need to take personal time for each child...so I have to budget...time. I need to organize my mind and look beyond what I need right now and focus on them before things get worse.
Yes, it is hard and yes, I have challenges that many do not. But I know I am walking the road meant to be walked by us. Not aalways perfectly, but I will make it. I notice that I am fed a scripture daily that reflects the thoughts on my mind currently or the things going on in my life, giving me further direction. and I find that this blog is helping me to share my story today and put things in perspective. It is not all bad. Even with all the stress, I find that I am strengthened and when we make it through another day and no one has been hurt or injured and daddy can call us on the phone...I feel blessed. We are blessed, despite the enormous challenges we all face daily, if it weren't for the blessings we receive how would we make it.

SO I will rise from my desk and face the day. With more comprehension and patience than yesterday.